Driving home from Target, jamming to Casting Crown’s “Praise You in this Storm,” my girls are giggling and chattering in the back seat.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

As I sing aloud for my laughing daughters, this song always makes me think of my pregnancy. When I let myself absorb the words, it’s like an icy hand gripping my heart. I think, “Why God? Why? Why did you give me these daughters?” Becoming a mother makes me feel so much more poignantly the precarious nature of life. And the fact of the matter is, I played fast and loose with my life, the lives of unborn children, and the life of my husband. When I look at Avery and Lily, I feel so painfully just how risky my pregnancy was. Then my mind goes down the check list: I’m healthy; Avery is healthy; Lily is healthy. How could it be?  It just doesn’t add up. There’s no logical explanation. Why did God work this miracle in my life?

I pull into my driveway and begin the process of getting us all in the house. I open the car door on Lily’s side to see her beaming, reaching for me, and wearing nothing but her diaper. I laugh, because I forgot that I had stripped her down in the Target parking lot. She had saturated her clothes with milk from her sippy cup. I hold Lily close and nuzzle her sweet cheeks and neck with my face. Lily loves getting kisses, and I love giving them. These are the moments that make life, the small snatches of unrestrained love.

I do not know why I received the blessing of these children. I do not know why I survived a  dangerous pregnancy with only the smallest of scars. I do not know why I have healthy twins when, in the best of situations, multiples are high risk. Thankfully, I do not have to know the answers to those questions. Thankfully, I serve a God who is with me in every storm. Thankfully, the storm has passed through my life, and for now the winds are calm.

Good Morning

Avery is pointing at her pizza.

Lily enjoys eating and wearing her pizza.

Some light reading.

I was trying to explain that the doors open in, so if they wanted me to enter, they needed to move out of the way.