Things I’d like to never hear again

One of the most fun parts of my life is the conversations I have with Avery and Lily. There is rarely a silent moment with all three of us together. Well, as adorable as they are, some downright unnerving things come out of their mouths, like when we tried a new, local restaurant and both girls kept loudly declaring, while pinching their noses, “It smells gross in here!”  Here are my favorites over the past few weeks.

While lying on my bed, Avery said to me, “I made snots on your pillow.”

Lunch with Uncle Danny at Chick-fil-a:

Me: “Avery, stop rubbing Uncle Danny’s arm so he can eat his sandwich.”

Avery: “I’m just petting him.”

Driving down Studemont, Avery points at two men walking on the sidewalk and exclaims, “There’s Lady Gaga!”

One morning before school, I was telling Avery she needed to get herself dressed, to which she replied, “Go put on your make up, Mom”

Sitting on her grandpa’s lap, Avery takes a big sniff of him and says, “You don’t smell gross Grandpa.” It’s a compliment, really it is.

One of the most hysterical moments of my life happened in the bathroom of an East Texas gas station.  Full to capacity, Avery and I are crammed in a stall. I’m trying to keep her seated on the toilet while also shackling both of her hands lest she touch ANYTHING. She looks up at me and says, “So, what’s your booty look like? Is it an oval?” And that would be the exact moment when I lost my last shred of dignity.

Lily has been very interested in the topic of babies growing in tummies. She’s been trying out some different scenarios on me.

While getting her pajamas on one night, we had the following conversation:

Lily: “Uncle Houston is growing in my tummy.”

Me: “No, he’s not.”

Lily: “Uncle William is growing in my tummy.”

Me: “No, he’s not.”

Lily: “You’re growing in my tummy.”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

A few days later, she comes up with this one:

Lily: “I was a tiny baby. I grew in my sister’s tummy.”

Me: “No, you didn’t”

To her teacher:

Lily: “There’s a baby growing in my mommy’s tummy.”

Me: “There most certainly is not.”

Here are some non-baby-growing-in-tummy comments from Lily that left me speechless.

“This is my knife, Mom. Don’t touch it.”

“I’m going to eat your eyeballs.”

“My babies threw up on me. “

“You’re beautiful, Mama. You look like Spongebob.”

Yeah, it could’ve been a lot worse, as far as animated characters’ appearances go.

And here is round 2 of school pictures.  I love that Lily has stuck with her no-nonsense facial expression.  It’s so 1800s daguerreotype. They sported their custom air-brushed T-Shirts in true Elementary School picture day fashion, primarily because I forgot about picture  day.

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